Well, this past month has been a difficult one. I knew moving to the mid-west would be a challenge. I knew being an Army wife would be a challenge, as well. But no matter how well you're aware of adversity before it happens- you're still going to have to identify problems and solve them (easier said than done).
I've really struggled with what my purpose is here. I know I'm here to be a support for my husband and being apart for months would have be awful for both of us, but in the hours I spend by myself everyday I just couldn't see much of a reason to do anything. I hate to admit that. Until this weekend, the only real cleaning I did (other than dishes) was when we first moved in. It's hard to WANT to clean a not-so-nice apartment that you know you're just going to move out of in a few months. Plus we have no guests and no babies crawling on the carpet to encourage a good cleaning. I just really struggled with being lazy. Why shouldn't I sleep in till 11am and then do nothing if my husband won't be home till 5pm? In my mind more sleep just made the time go faster. A few times, while trapped in crying conundrums, I told my husband that I wish I could hibernate till November! (sigh) Anyway, I wasn't being the great wife my husband deserved and I wasn't being a willing and Spirit-led child of God.
I was challenged to read James 1 and memorize a verse out of it... the verses that stuck out to me was James 1:14-15 that says, "Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death."At first I didn't make the connection, but after re-reading it those two verses totally changed my outlook. The temptation I was having was laziness, and it was completely because I wanted to be lazy. Lounging around in my over-sized t-shirt and crazy hair absolutely did sound great to me... but at that same time I felt distant to God. Having the desire to be lazy and to coast by until November did cause me to sin by becoming lazy and even more short-tempered than a pregnant woman should be. And while I let that sin grow in me I could feel it's effects touching my disposition, my spiritual life, and also my husband. I've seen over and over in my life that when I'm living a life that has an unresolved sin in it I am just terrible to be around. I don't even like being around me. On top of everything else, I knew I was embarking on facilitating a ladies Bible study and was truly horrified at the the thought because my sin had wedged itself smack-dab between God and I. Death in verse 15 means a spiritual and emotional death...and luckily God reminded me of these truths so that I wouldn't have to suffer worse consequences (i.e. a husband who resents me and a relationship with God that was was nowhere to be found).
I'm thankful that God is good and that He takes care of me. I know it will be difficult to everyday make that choice to be a productive woman, but luckily I'm not alone.
"Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord." Psalm 105:6
Katie
