Just Another Manic Wednesday

This title is a little misleading only because the word "manic" means to be frantically busy, or to have deranged excitement... which could actually not be any further from my life right now. However, while driving from the commissary earlier this week I had a realization while listening to The Bangles' "Manic Monday." What did I realize? That all my days are on continual Wednesday repeat. It's sorta like living the movie Groundhog's Day (minus all the stuff that happens... and Bill Murray). What I mean is that every day is mostly the same- adding and subtracting a few things sprinkled here and there. 

Living out in the middle of nowhere (or "the middle of everywhere" as the sometimes irritating optimist would say), thousands of miles away from family and friends, and having a husband who works 12 hours or more every single day of the week almost all month makes it a tiiiiiiiiiny bit difficult to get out there and have a blast. If I hear one more person, who has never been in a situation like mine, tell me to make friends, find a hobby, or another "at least he's not deployed".... my brain will explode into a million gooey pieces. Trust me, I want a bosom friend (Anne of Green Gables reference for all you n00bs who haven't seen it) and something I enjoy doing more than anybody else could want for me- however valuable friends can't be forced and hobbies have to actually be something you enjoy doing. 

Things could always be worse, of course, but for some crazy reason that doesn't seem to make the reality of anybody's situation any better. Yeah, I can't go running anymore with my big belly, but hey- at least I don't have lung cancer. Or yeah, my husband works constantly and rarely gets a day off to brighten the monotony of my constant Wednesday life, but at least he's not being shot at in Afghanistan for the next year. Yeah.... I get it. Things can always be worse, but I think telling people that their problems could be worse just makes them feel worse because you just gave a robotic/emotionless response to their pain. I don't wake up every morning with a bad attitude and I don't sit on my couch all day and think about how things just aren't the best yet, but on days like today it's a little hard to see past the ever-repeating days I live in.

I guess somebody could read this and try to encourage me with the usual sentiments, but the point of me writing about what's going on with my life is not to get sympathy from people who read it. It's just about letting people know what's really going on with me thousands of miles away, and maybe being able to help other people in my same situation in some very small way. Sometimes life hands you lemons and says, "Just hold these for awhile." And that's where I think I am right now. Every night I thank God for my husband who loves me, my baby who's coming soon, my Louis who keeps me occupied, and the hugely meaningful small but thoughtful acts and words of my family and friends. No matter how crappy, lonely, and boring I feel I'll still thank God with my whole heart for those precious things I do have.

With that said, maybe I have a complimentary theme song: the Beatles' "With A Little Help From My Friends [and Family]."

Katie

A Hearty Miracle

Not many people know this, but our baby was diagnosed with a condition called a VSD back in November. VSD is a ventricular septal defect which means that part of her heart had a little hole in it that would need surgery while still in her infancy/toddlerhood. 

Our pediatric cardiologist in Missouri told us that there was no possibility that her little heart would close the hole on it's own, so we went forward knowing that of course God could do a miracle, but that we'd probably just have to deal with it. As of December, I was transferred to Loma Linda Medical Center (about two hours away) because my pregnancy was now seen as high risk. I would be delivering the baby there, and going to all my appointments there. 

I had my first batch of appointments there today, which required me to wake up at 4:50am and drive about 2 hours to the hospital (yipes, I know). My almost two hour long ultrasound in the morning (yeah....I fell asleep...you would, too!) was concluded by the doctor telling me not only did our baby have a VSD, but it could also be this thing where four things are wrong with the heart (seriously, I knew the title before but baby brain is KILLING me right now). So, after that appointment I went to see the high-risk pregnancy OB (who reminded me of a very eccentric science teacher). Both he and the doctor from the ultrasound said that they couldn't officially diagnose the baby's heart until they sent to me to get the fetal echocardiogram. They said that test would give me a for sure diagnosis and the final word. So, I went to the fetal echocardiogram feeling super exhausted from all my appointments, things and places to remember, and all the numbers I had to recite (which, again, baby brain makes that impossible.... I actually had to look up Tyler's phone number in my phone because I was that bad ...sigh... anyway...). 

As I sat in the waiting room full of sweet little babies with heart issues, reality really sunk in. Our baby's heart could be fixed, but who's to say it won't get infected or have issues after? She would have a scar on her brand new tiny body, and would have aches and pains from her recovery. I'VE never even had surgery before, and to think about my baby coming out of that was almost enough to make me break down in the waiting room. 

Surprise of all surprises, my whole day was soon to be pleasantly flip-flopped when a middle-aged man in a Hawaiian shirt, named Ed, started my test. He was so friendly and accommodating to me, which is incredibly important when dealing with pregnant women who are frazzled with butts that go numb from reclining too long. This story isn't about him, but seriously, he was amazing and made me feel so relaxed after all the not-so-good news I'd had all day. After he was done looking around for about two hours, he brought in another lady to double check his work. Then after that he told me the doctor would be in and would give me a conclusive diagnosis on exactly what heart condition the baby had. So, about 20 minutes later the doctor came in and probed my belly (my poor belly at this point had been probed for about 4 hours total!!), and after that she said......... that the baby's heart is perfect. That there is nothing at all wrong with her! I genuinely was confused and shocked (and still am) at how the first doctor could have been so sure, and then this lady say there is absolutely nothing wrong with her heart! However, I was assured that she is the ultimate authority on pediatric cardiology..... so I am going ahead and being SO HAPPY that God has given us such a blessing and such a load off of our shoulders!! We are so stinking excited that we can deliver here on post, and that we have no other complications or plans we have to figure our way through. 

A huuuuuuuuuuuge thank you to those who have been praying for our baby!! I cannot tell you how appreciative we are, truly.

-Katie

"He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted."  Job 5:9