Long Hair, Don't Care

You know something? God IS. He is in everything I do...even if I forget He's around. He's patiently waiting for me to remember to talk to Him everyday. He's involved in every major decision I make...even when I forget to ask Him for wisdom. He loves me with an unfailing, unbelievable love when I decide to run after my own desires and forget what He has done for me. 

I look back on my life and see what a heartless, selfish, miserable, awful, disrespectful person I was and it brings tears to my eyes. I am absolutely ashamed of what a terrible person I was, but what steals the whole show is that I was given the opportunity to get out of that lifestyle and out of that way of thinking. God found ME. Me. One measly little person on a planet with billions of people and He wanted to get my attention. He wanted me to know Him. How could that even be real? How could the Creator of this universe...of the very existence of earth...take an interest in me?

That's why I love God. I love God because He sought me out in my stupid little selfish world- He found me and He wanted me to be His own. People hate God. I mean, HATE God. You mention His name and you can almost see bristles go up. But you know what I say? Who cares. 

"Long hair, don't care," is what I'm saying. What does it matter if I'm in the minority? What does it matter if I don't have all the answers? C.S. Lewis said, "A man can no more diminish God's glory by refusing to worship Him than a lunatic can put out the sun by scribbling the word, 'darkness' on the walls of his cell." Never again in my life do I want to find myself living my life to make other people accept me. That's a seriously life-sucking state to be in.

The world can say what they want...but having a relationship with God has changed my life 180 degrees for the better. I hear the sound of my sleeping husband...would I have been fortunate enough to be married to such a truly wonderful man if I wouldn't have had such a heart change? Absolutely not. The person I used to be wouldn't have appreciated, respected, or loved this man as much I am capable of currently. I feel the effects of this sweet little baby growing in my belly (eh hem, constant morning sickness)...would I have been a good role model and a loving mother to this baby if I didn't have such a heart change? Not a chance. 

It's very difficult to admit (hence the lump in my throat), but knowing how hard it is not to run after all the selfish things I want- I cannot imagine being a good mother without living for God and not for myself. 

I see pictures and remember how much I miss my family back home...would I have been fortunate enough to gain back some of the credibility and respect I lost in their eyes if I didn't have such a heart change? No way. I didn't deserve their respect, and believe me- it was not easy to gain back (and rightfully so).

God is God no matter what is thought, spoken, or blogged about.... and I choose God.

Katie